Time to Check In…

Can I tell you a secret? One you may not be ready to hear. I need you to listen with your head, so it can soothe that place in your heart. I don’t think he meant to hurt you. I don’t think she did it on purpose. I think he gave you all he knew to give. This isn’t me making excuses or trying to place blame, because I think they knew better but weren’t equipped to do better.  I know it seems silly, maybe even lame but there’s’ just one thing keeping you from healing and that’s realizing you couldn’t have changed the outcome.

I think its time you realize that you aren’t the blame. There wasn’t an argument you could have spared that would return the warmth of their body to your bed. As much as you tried you just kept missing each other. You needed more attention, more love, more affection, you needed more than he had to give. Maybe somewhere along the way you could have taught her what you needed, shown her what love was to you. That is neither here nor there because that moment has passed and all you have is a bleeding heart and a head full of questions: “Why wasn’t I enough?” “What could I have done?”…… all you need to know is, your love is the best of what you have to give and maybe your love fell unrequited but that shouldn’t take the hope from tomorrow.

Find out what makes your lover feel appreciated. Is it a clean house? A well prepared meal?  A night on the town? Diamonds and pearls? Learn to speak the language of your lover’s heart and teach them yours. Don’t allow them to believe that something is working if it’s not. You should give them a tour of your heart, take their love and guide them to those damaged parts where their love can be the cure.

You love each other in the ways you experienced love in your life, but your experiences didn’t match so your love has been lost in translation, falling on deaf ears and hardening hearts. You have to learn his definition, see how love was shown to him so you can see how he show loves to you.

I learned to define love when I was but a child, receiving hugs and kisses for doing nothing but merely entering the room. I carried that with me, took it throughout the years, and shared it with my own children who believe affection is a given not a demand. I realized with age that not everyone displays love in the same way. Some people get up and go to work, keep the lights on, food on the table, and clothes on your back and that is how they show their love. Some people have no frame of reference, so they cannot give you what they do not have. There is no right or wrong way to put your love on display but be sure that your lover understands your ways.

When my children grow older it will be my task to explain to them that not everyone will understand the way we love and when it is time for them to give their heart away they should give it to someone who understands how we love and is willing to love them that way. They must in return be willing to discover what gives their partner butterflies and be committed to learning over and over how their love can flow freely in the soul of their spouse.

As life goes on, people evolve, and needs change, have you checked into your lover’s heart recently? Checked to see if your love was still touching their core and giving them life?



  1. Love it, your writing has inspired me to take the time to see what my husband needs. I was on the verge of giving up, but your writing touched my heart and intrigued my mind. When we know better, we must do better.. Thank you for giving instruction.

  2. As stated by the previous post, this is another phenomenal piece. I am so grateful to have been directed to your writings. Please let the Lord continue to use you. I am excited to see where God takes you. I am taking this to heart. Thanks, for sharing.

  3. Magnolia (Mac) Pruitt says:

    You are a great writer!!!!!!

  4. Have you checked into your lover’s heart recently? Thinking, thinking…hmmm…..Another great piece of writing.

  5. PHENONMENAL. “A tour of the heart”… So Profound.
    yes, The language of Love and Communication. It’s truly a Blessing to see such an Anointed vessel with such transparency to share the TRUTH. Lord, continue to use her to set the captives free in Jesus name. Forever in my Prayers…

  6. It is often called the language of love, however I think your profound explanation answers the question many people ponder. What do I need to feel loved? Once that question is answered life is so fulfilling…Keep inspiring the world Sara…You have amazing writing skills….

  7. Wow! Another great blog that truly spoke to me. You are gifted my sister. My response is, I really don’t know because most times than not, I am just trying to survive. Maintain things and keep above water. There is no luxury of time for anything else unfortunately. I am just making it do what it do.

  8. Ingrid Brock says:

    Very good information.

  9. You are something else I tell you! I’m taking you to Benihanas after reading this 🙂

  10. WOW!!!! Deep sister… thank you

  11. Love it!

  12. Beautifully said….

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