Help Me…

The passing of Pastor Zachery Tims has caused much debate in the African American church community. The reaction to his alleged drug use and troubled past has caused some to condemn, others to feel compassion. A man, who was able to save thousands, but lost himself in the process. It is not my position to confirm, or deny the alleged drug use but rather examine the relationship a pastor has to God, his congregation, and to himself.

My father was preaching 12 years before I was even brought into the world. I have spent my whole life in church. I have seen stones cast at him, at us, at his work, for all of my life. Whether the stones were cast from across the street or from a CNN news desk, they were cast relentlessly. One of the most consistent issues that arise when our mistakes are made public, is his anointing being brought into question. Countless times have I heard that had he been focused on home and not his ministry we would not have made certain mistakes. These people whose lives are so virtuous they see fit to judge, make it seem as though they have never done anything wrong or that we are not allotted the same opportunities to fall as they are.

None of us who are serious about our walk with Christ set out to live in a way that consistently challenges the essence of what His life represents yet He sacrificed his life because He knew, no matter how hard we may try, we would all have a time when we fall short.

It is undeniable that our lifestyle brings a certain level of scrutiny that requires we be more responsible with our actions than most but are we not allowed to make mistakes at all? I realize to whom much is given much is required, and because God saw fit to bless us with this level of influence we must honor His gift by representing Him accordingly. Frustration arises when those surrounding us begin to believe that the cost of my calling is relinquishing my humanity. Because I have been given this or that, I am not allowed to receive the same grace I see you seek every Sunday?

You cannot alienate a person from receiving grace, tell them to live a life that doesn’t require repentance and then wonder why they hide their struggle. Higher and higher is the pedestal we place our leadership on. So high they’re afraid to admit they’re broken, too high to jump off, too afraid to lose it all.

You cannot force me to pretend that my life is as virtuous as the Savior I serve. Some would say that if they don’t want that level of scrutiny on their lives then why accept the call and share the gift. I have no rebuttal for this, I was scared to share my writing…scared that people would over analyze every detail, draw their own conclusions about me, and I would be forced to live in a box that people shoved me in.

So I decided from day one I would let it be know that I am not perfect, that my life continues to be a work in progress, I am not without flaws, not without mistakes but I see value in my struggle, I wake up each morning determined to draw closer to Him.

I can’t help but wonder at what lengths we are willing to push our leaders. Perhaps if we were able to create an environment that respected but not idolized them they would be more apt to admit that they are in the midst of a personal struggle. A struggle that if they were able to seek help for could save their lives. What a disappointment it would be to serve as a vessel that leads others to Christ and then not be able to experience His mercy for yourself.

How can we as Christians show respect for a call but ignore the human inclination to sin? How do we exercise grace and forgiveness for those who lead us to the mercy seat? No matter what the news reports allege, how the church condemns, or people speculate it cannot be denied that Pastor Tims led many on a path to Christ. If the speculations are true, the Shepherd led his flock while he himself was bleeding, unable or unwilling to ask for help. It could be argued that he felt his responsibility to his congregation outweighed his own need for help. Maybe he felt that his church needed him more than he needed himself. One man who saved thousands, unable to save himself.

God, I want to be apart of a generation that makes it known that walking with Christ is as difficult as it is rewarding. Your blessings are just as sweet as Your mercy. May nothing ever block me from Your Salvation, keep me from knowing personally the power of Your grace. May we raise a generation that allows a person the ability to make mistakes and seek Your forgiveness, as I have done over and over. All I want to do is seek Your love, spread Your word, and when temptation lurks God give me the strength to turn away, or courage to ask for help.